So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
