you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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