you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
