Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's never too late to be topless.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
