Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just forgot I was standing up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
