I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just blew my weed a kiss
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
