I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
