Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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