A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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