It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
