why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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