When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
