I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
