This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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