he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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