So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
