Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
