the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
