At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
