What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
