I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
