We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
