Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
