Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
