Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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