On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
