just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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