I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster