She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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