Can i not drive my cunt home
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
