That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
