I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
