Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
