In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
