He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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