Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
