So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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