sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize