Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
