I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We left the knife in your bed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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