We named our party play list daddy issues
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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