Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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