Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
