if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
