a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
