as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
