I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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