if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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