she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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