watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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