SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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