ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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