i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
