He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
