When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
