Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
