I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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