i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
