i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you had me at cake vodka
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
