Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
