I wish I could teleport
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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