I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
